Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Paruresis


I'm just going to get right to the point. I have this terrible phobia of people hearing me when I use the bathroom. I like to call it stage-fright. The internet calls it Paruresis or "shy bladder syndrome" (yes, I just looked it up and it is a real thing). Whatever you call it, it sucks. For any of you who have seen scrubs, I feel a certain kinship with Elliot. It's actually not that bad in public bathrooms with tons of girls, but if there is only one other person in the bathroom, I'm toast. Likewise, if any of my roommates are standing remotely close to the bathroom door I will, literally, sit there motionless until they move away. I always turn the fan on and have even been known to actually turn on the shower once or twice in order to create white-noise. I like to pretend that I can actually convince the people sitting in the next room that I just, randomly, decided to take a two minute shower. Perfectly normal. Also, it gets even worse when boys are around.
Anyway, that was just a little background. So, the other day I was in my apartment and I went to use the bathroom. Luckily, all my roommates were gone so I was home free. No fan or shower needed. So, there I was, doing what I had to do, relishing the fact that I was home alone, when I realized something: Vampires. Vampires would be able to hear me. Sure, no humans were around, but vampires have super hearing!! They can hear a mile away! Vampires are my downfall. Imagine if I had to hang out with vampires all the time like Bella Swan or Elena Gilbert. I would literally never go to the bathroom. Ever.
Well, obviously this realization caused me to freeze. It actually took me several minutes to work up the courage to tell myself that no vampires were around nor could they hear me and to wrap everything up.
One of the scarier moments of my life.

2 comments:

  1. hmm... yeah, good thing you don`t know any vampires.

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