Monday, September 30, 2013

Misconceptions About Marriage

Happy One Month Anniversary Everybody!!! Yes, it has been a whole month since Doc and I got married and boy has it been a whirlwind of excitement!

We're always making crazy plans and doing really exciting things that you do when you get married. Like going to school and work and watching all of the Star Wars movies because Doc's never seen them and I'm tired of explaining Star Wars references to him. Ok, in actuality married life is not that exciting. It's awesome and fun and everything, but I sit around just as much as I did before I got married, but maybe that has more to say about me than marriage in general...

Anway, in honor of Doc and I's one month anniversay I have compiled a list of misconceptions that Mormon girls (and, let's face it, girls in general) have about marriage that will be disillusioned within one month of marriage. These are from my personal experience and shared experiences of others. If your marriage isn't exactly like this then SOOOOOOORRY. Just beware all you unmarried girls out there. Beware.

1. Misconception: You think that because your guy doesn't have a video game consol and you've never seen him play one that you've dodged the "video gamer" bullet. There is no way that your BF/fiance is one of those lame guys that plays halo for 72 hours straight.

FACT: What you didn't realize is that just because he doesn't have video game consol doesn't mean he's not a gamer. In fact, almost every boy likes videogames and there's still something called "computer" games that we girls forget about. Basicaly, if he has a laptop, he's a gamer and he will spend HOURS on the web shooting vampires, robbing banks, and pretending to be a busty she-elf with a crossbow. You will have to complain for about 7 hours before he stops so... get used to it.

2. Misconception: Your apartment is going to be perfect, with matching furniture from IKEA and a well planned out wall display of photos and pinterest wreaths.

FACT: In reality this will not happen, unless your rich and can make it happen. You will probably be living in the cheapest apartment you could find (unless you're rich) and your furniture will come with a FREE sign and be slightly damp from sitting on the side of the road. If you're like me, you may not even have furniture for a month or so. Your couches may have mismatched covers on them and your bookshelf probably won't match your kitchen table. As for the wall display, that is still possible, but only if you have the time/energy to devote to making crafts and arranging photos. We all want to, but is it possible?

3. Misconception: You will be the perfect modern housewife while working and/or going to school. You're going to make pinterest perfect meals for your husband every night (which he will love) and keep the house clean, fridge stocked, and all the finances taken care of.

FACT: In reality you will try out pinterest recipes that end up being "not that great" and your husband won't like anything you make anyway and will complain about the meal BEFORE you even start making it. At times like these you must learn to ignore husbands. And you will put in your best effort to buy his favorite groceries, make him snacks to bring to school, and run all the errands while balancing other aspects of your life, but sometimes you'll just say "screw it" and take a nap.

4. Misconception: ***WARNING PG-13*** You think sex will be this passionate, erotic experience that takes your breath away like in the movies.

FACT: And it will be! For him. In reality sex is fun and exciting at first, but it's not the same for girls as it is for guys. Let's just say... movies (and your imagination) lie.

5. Misconception: You think you're done with never having any plans, friends, or anything to do.

FACT: I spend as much time alone, in bed, on pinterest now as I did before I got married. It takes more effort to actually go do something when your buddy is already at home with you. Wouldn't you rather just watch a movie and go to bed? So make sure to put in the effort. And it's ok to still hang out with friends.

But just so you guys know, marriage is awesome. It's different than you think and it's definitely not perfect (I mean it's only been a month so... room for improvement). But I'm only 22 and I keep thinking that I should have done this years ago. Except then I would have been way too young because I don't condone teenagers getting married and now I'm rambling so you get the idea.

Friday, September 20, 2013

Married Life

Well, if you didn't know, I married a guy named Doc. He's ok... I guess. People say that the real work begins after you're married, but, so far, its been a breeze, mostly because Doc is in the Accounting program at BYU and he is at school 90% of the time. Being apart so much can be hard since I only work 3-4 hours a day and must fill the void by spending the rest of my time taking baths, watching Desperate Housewives, and eating ice cream. It's been difficult, but I'm adjusting.

Doc is a really great guy. He's handsome, tall, broad-shouldered, a ginger... all the things a girl could ever want. He's also pretty considerate. For instance, Doc gets done with class every day at 10:45 am and is home for lunch by 11. Then he goes back to school and studies. Well, today 10:45 rolls around and I know Doc will be back soon from school. So, I hurriedly get out of bed and brush my teeth and put on some makeup to make it look like I've been up, then I get back into bed and wait. 11:00 comes and goes and ... no Doc. I keep waiting, but by 11:17 I decide it's time to text him and see if he decided to stay at school.
Me: Are you coming back?
No answer.
So, I wait a little longer, but I know he has nothing going on that would keep him from using a phone, so, as the minutes drag by, I start to get worried.
My next text: Did you die?
No answer.
At this point I'm trying to remain calm, because maybe he is going to the bathroom... I've discovered how long that can take him. So, I wait til 11:50 to call. I call him probably 3 times with no answer. Now I'm starting to panic. For those of you who don't know, Doc rides an old crappy scooter to school. That scooter mixed, with Doc's crazy driving and "I don't die" attitude, causes me to envision horrible "Doc strewn across state street" accidents on a daily basis. Basically, I'm just bracing myself for the day he actually kills himself. One such vision pops into my head at this point and I decide to go out and see if I can find him. I drive all the routes that I think he would have taken from school and I even go to BYU and look for his scooter. I find that his scooter isn't there and now I know that he must have left. Shortly after I leave the school I come to the realization that Doc is most likely in the hospital or dead and I start to cry. I start realizing that I've only been married for 3 weeks and I'm already going to have to get back into the dating game. I really don't want to do that. Anyway, I start to cry and I drive home hoping he's there. I've called him 6 or 7 times by now. He isn't at home and I'm about to go look for him again when I start to feel calm and think that his phone probably died. So, I go back inside and try to Google chat him. No answer. Finally, I get on Facebook and I have a message from him, from a couple minutes earlier, that he's in the Library without any service and to contact him on Facebook.
Yes, Doc is alive. And I won't bore you with the details about how I yelled at him over FB chat or how I started crying and furiously doing the dishes because I found out he was alive. Or how all Doc said was "Sorry".
So I decided I should explain the proper etiquette for...
How One Should Apologize After Making Your Wife Think That You Died:
(As explained to Doc as we sit in our living room on our computers)
Me: When you make me think you're dead you should buy me something nice.
Doc: Ha like what?
Me: Flowers. You should buy me flowers.
(A couple minutes later)
Me: When you make me think you're dead you should buy me flowers and, perhaps, a box of chocolates.
Doc: Okay, baby.
(A couple minutes later)
Me: When you make me think you're dead you should buy me flowers and a box of chocolates and beg for my forgiveness and give me a hug.
Doc: How many times are you going to bring this up?
Me: Um...In case you forgot, YOU MADE ME THINK YOU WERE DEAD!!