Well, if you didn't know, I married a guy named Doc. He's ok... I guess. People say that the real work begins after you're married, but, so far, its been a breeze, mostly because Doc is in the Accounting program at BYU and he is at school 90% of the time. Being apart so much can be hard since I only work 3-4 hours a day and must fill the void by spending the rest of my time taking baths, watching Desperate Housewives, and eating ice cream. It's been difficult, but I'm adjusting.
Doc is a really great guy. He's handsome, tall, broad-shouldered, a ginger... all the things a girl could ever want. He's also pretty considerate. For instance, Doc gets done with class every day at 10:45 am and is home for lunch by 11. Then he goes back to school and studies. Well, today 10:45 rolls around and I know Doc will be back soon from school. So, I hurriedly get out of bed and brush my teeth and put on some makeup to make it look like I've been up, then I get back into bed and wait. 11:00 comes and goes and ... no Doc. I keep waiting, but by 11:17 I decide it's time to text him and see if he decided to stay at school.
Me: Are you coming back?
So, I wait a little longer, but I know he has nothing going on that would keep him from using a phone, so, as the minutes drag by, I start to get worried.
My next text: Did you die?
At this point I'm trying to remain calm, because maybe he is going to the bathroom... I've discovered how long that can take him. So, I wait til 11:50 to call. I call him probably 3 times with no answer. Now I'm starting to panic. For those of you who don't know, Doc rides an old crappy scooter to school. That scooter mixed, with Doc's crazy driving and "I don't die" attitude, causes me to envision horrible "Doc strewn across state street" accidents on a daily basis. Basically, I'm just bracing myself for the day he actually kills himself. One such vision pops into my head at this point and I decide to go out and see if I can find him.
I drive all the routes that I think he would have taken from school and I even go to BYU and look for his scooter. I find that his scooter isn't there and now I know that he must have left. Shortly after I leave the school I come to the realization that Doc is most likely in the hospital or dead and I start to cry. I start realizing that I've only been married for 3 weeks and I'm already going to have to get back into the dating game. I really don't want to do that. Anyway, I start to cry and I drive home hoping he's there. I've called him 6 or 7 times by now. He isn't at home and I'm about to go look for him again when I start to feel calm and think that his phone probably died. So, I go back inside and try to Google chat him. No answer. Finally, I get on Facebook and I have a message from him, from a couple minutes earlier, that he's in the Library without any service and to contact him on Facebook.
Yes, Doc is alive. And I won't bore you with the details about how I yelled at him over FB chat or how I started crying and furiously doing the dishes because I found out he was alive. Or how all Doc said was "Sorry".
So I decided I should explain the proper etiquette for...
How One Should Apologize After Making Your Wife Think That You Died:
(As explained to Doc as we sit in our living room on our computers)
Me: When you make me think you're dead you should buy me something nice.
Doc: Ha like what?
Me: Flowers. You should buy me flowers.
(A couple minutes later)
Me: When you make me think you're dead you should buy me flowers and, perhaps, a box of chocolates.
Doc: Okay, baby.
(A couple minutes later)
Me: When you make me think you're dead you should buy me flowers and a box of chocolates and beg for my forgiveness and give me a hug.
Doc: How many times are you going to bring this up?
Me: Um...In case you forgot, YOU MADE ME THINK YOU WERE DEAD!!