Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Retard: Kristen Stewart

As many of you know, it's Twilight Season again and that means the appearance of one much hated actress. Namely, Kristen Stewart.

The Twilight movie saga has been a sad disappointment for me, an avid reader/lover of the books. The emo music and angsty acting leaves the audience wondering, what am I watching again? Seriously though. And then there is Kristen Stewart, the girl who butchers the movie and her part as Bella Swan. First of all, why can't she finish a sentence? Does she have a nervous tick? The entire first movie consists of her stuttering her way through the lines. It's so annoying. Also Bella is supposed to be sort of goofy and, like other human beings, she shows emotion. Not so with Kristen Stewart. She has one emotion, dead. Ok, maybe there are two emotions, dead and... is awkward an emotion?

Now, if these were her only offenses I could let her slide as a bad actress. Cause she is. But last night I was at Alyshia's house watching the MTV Movie Awards and thats where I really blew up. Since its MTV the voting is mostly dictated by little teeny-boppers and should be watched with caution. Every award that Twilight could possibly have won, was awarded to Twilight and its stars. Including Best Female Performance (nominees: Blue Girl from Avatar, Sandra Bullock (winner of the generation award) from Blind Side, Retard K.S., Girl from Dear John, etc.) which went to Kristen Stewart (sorry just threw up in my mouth a little bit) Every time she was up on stage she acted really awkward, making lots of strange hand gestures, and she looked like she was going to fly away cause her ears are so big. Just watch it, you will understand.

Ok, I've probably ranted for long enough. I could say more, but this is a really long and negative blog post. I just really needed to get that out there. ok, whew. I hate Kristen Stewart. Ok, now I'm done.

watch best kiss award and best female performance.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Poky 5

I'm BACK! At work, I mean. Which means I'm back to writing blogs while waiting for my ward to arrive. I also enjoy taking this time to catch up on the blogs I'm following. So please write more.

Anyhoo, I was just reading my friends blog about how she is getting married. For any of you who know Jenny Black, it was her blog. So I'm done with the first one and I was to see the ones I hadn't read yet so I clicked on Next Blog. This one is topped with a picture of a couple holding a 2010 sign and it reads "The Dashmmore Family" or something like that. Unlucky for me I didn't take the hint and continued to read, imagining the blog from Jenny's perspective. So I continue to scroll down taking in a story written in pictures about a man and his neighbor friend running the Pocahontos 5K. Not until I am nearly done with the blog post do I realize that the narrator is calling this man "babe". Now, this guy is not Jenny's fiance, so I get a little suspicious. I scroll back up to the top and finally realize that there is a different family in the picture (duh), and I have just spent ten minutes looking at some random people's pictures of a 5k. I feel, not only stupid, but as if I've just intruded into someone else's life. yeck.

Sunday, June 13, 2010


You know when someone is watching you do something that, by yourself wouldn't be embarassing, but because someone witnessed you doing it it was?

Well today I was laying on my stomach on our couch reading Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. It's a good book, dont judge me. Well I've been feeling pretty fat lately and I noticed that when I moved my butt would jiggle. yes.

Anyway, I started pushing my feet against the arm of the couch really fast. This action made my butt jiggle and I silently gauged how much it was jiggling and whether or not this was worrisome. Then I decided to look and see if I could see it jiggling. So I was laying there pushing, jiggling, looking, stopping to see if the jiggling lingered after my feet stopped moving, pushing, jiggling, looking again. Then I glanced up at the TV and to my horror realized that dad, with a look of skepticism on his face, was staring at me. Watching me make my butt jiggle.

If the confusion in his eyes wasn't enough, just before I laughed myself to tears from shear embarassment he says...

"If you're going to perform these little experiments, you should do them in private."

Wednesday, June 9, 2010


I think something is seriously wrong with me. Seriously.

Last night I had another dream. This isn't surprising since I dream every night. But this was crazy. Again.

So there I was, downtown Bainbridge Island. At night. This was a dream so nothing was quite the same as in real life. I was with my mom and some friends. Some weird stuff happened that I can't really remember. Then my dream turned into a movie. Again. This one known as, The Fourth Kind. In real life this movie is about alien encounters. In my dream it was something much different.

Soon I was at my friend's house. There were a lot of people there. My friend Katie Bell was there. I felt safe in the present company. That is until I learned what Katie was. A monster. A monster who wanted to eat my Ovaries!!!!!!

Thats right. The world was being taken over by ovary eating people. Sort of like in I Am Legend, it was a virus. Suddenly everyone was turning into these sort of monsters. I had to run. So I did. I ran through my neighborhood and into some other neighborhoods where the ovary snatchers wouldn't look. These streets were stacked on one another, sort of tiered. And the houses were all big and old fashioned. I ran (and climbed) until I came to what seemed to be a good hiding place. A large old house at the very end of a street. I stood panting for a moment, wondering how to enter, when a man, a woman, and a child, and maybe an animal, came up behind me. They weren't interested in me just the house. They knocked and were allowed in, so I followed. We all lived there together for awhile and I felt safe that the monsters wouldn't get me. Then one day as I walked through the house I came upon the child, or the pet, and it tried to take a bite out of me!! I was appalled and when I told the Lady I learned, through a series of events, that SHE WAS AN OVARY EATER!!!!!! I WAS TRAPPED!!! I ran...

That's all I remember. I'm not safe.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Ode to the Stick Shift

So, Ive been learning how to drive a stick because the people I nanny for have one and I need to drive it around. Today was the first time I drove their jeep cherokee, which is even more of a reason to drive it, and needless to say I was terrified. The worst part was starting from stand still. Its nearly impossible in that car. So as I drove around and around practicing for when I had to pick the kids up I was subjected to all manner of barbaric behavior.

For instance, as I tried to pull from a stop sign, the car jerking merrily back and forth, the child in the backseat screaming, some guy drives by and makes a face at me!! Im sure he went through the same experience at one point. Truthfully I'm not one hundred percent sure he wasn't making a face because of some sort of "I know how you feel" moment. Most likely he was just making fun of me. (Literally, this picture is the face he made, I realize there is a big logo in the middle. Its the best I could do.) I suffered many stares today but also many patient drivers who were kind enough to just pass me without a second glance.

The trama over, I am now sitting here comforting myself with pounds of Bliss Chocolates. Hey I NEED them!!

I Couldn't Even Find An Animal For This

So yesterday I was playing a game with Regen. I'm not saying that it was the Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone Trivia Game, but it could have been. Then Kenley decided to come downstairs and wanted to play. Obviously she couldnt since she has never read the book, among various other reasons... Then she wanted a cheese sandwich and since Regen was losing to me miserably I told her that we could put the game on pause and she could make Kenley a cheese sandwich or as normal people know them, grilled cheese.

I would like to take this time to reflect that I will be taking my Lord of the Rings movie Trivia game with me to college this fall.

I would also like to take this time to reflect that I just received $400 in cash from my boss. AH. Life is good.

Anyway, while Regen was making the sandwich I was licking a spoonful of peanut butter. I found this new method of licking with my lips instead of my tongue. I showed Regen and asked if she'd ever seen that before. The verdict:

Regen licks Matt's body with her lips.